Unbroken Circle

Death is simply a continuation of the same journey. Another chapter and I think hardly the last. It is that part of the journey that is traveled without pen and paper -- it is a "No tattling" zone. Once you're there, you must not spoil it for those yet to come, the excitement should be fresh and clean for them. Unspoiled by other's perceptions.

Egad, what has prompted this little bit of writing? It is that moment when calm surrounds you and it is understood that one's parents are not here forever -- when you were not looking they became mortal. (how rude) The plan was for them to be around well, forever.

Recently my mother has been diagnosed with what I think is peripheral vascular disease. The veins in her legs are blocked almost completely. Under normal circumstances, they would attempt a balloon type surgery, but the veins in her legs are too small for that and they are afraid they will burst them (not good). There is also a bypass surgery, but due to her age and other factors, they advise against that as well. She had tried a medication to clear the blockage but the side affects are very severe and she could not tolerate them. End result is that it might very well contribute to an earlier death and a death that could come quite unexpectedly. Some part of the blockage will at some point in time, let itself loose and she will be in the "No Tattling Zone". I know what you're thinking -- and the answer is no. Just because she is my mom she is still not allowed to tell me anything once she is there.

As I speak with my mother, trying to not be too serious which is tough to do in conversations such as those, it appears she is keeping her spirits light. I know better -- she is scared. So often I have looked into her eyes and have seen the little girl she keeps there. She has held that part of her spirit in place. You see it best when a small simple thing gives her joy. The joy of a child shines much to bright to hide. Now near her mid seventies, she continues to plan for the future. Her dreams have not diminished due to age -- some of them may have changed or been switched out with something within her physical limitations, but none the less remain intact and continue to grow.

Jim Fiebig said, "Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone." There you have it - simple but true. We are the ones who complicate life, but in truth it's basics are actually quite simple.

I must admit that at this point, I too try and believe that this is not as serious as it is. That in no time, the doctor will say - "Hey, we can do this and fix everything!". But I have been looking for treatment options on the Internet and they are few. Some new things going on, but it is still in the research mode. If one of the research projects is going on close enough to my parents in Northern Wisconsin, maybe we can get her into one there. Of course being on Medicaid and Medicare with no other insurance does not help the situation either.

I am at a point in my life that I accept this last stage of earth-bound living. For many years I have believed that all things are connected by a physical energy, the energy of the Universe. You, me the tree you like to sit or stand under and yes, even the squirrel staring down at you from the tree's uppermost branches. We are all connected by the energy that is the Universe down to the last molecule.

For now -- I will enjoy the time I have with my parents and in doing so try so very hard to be mindful of the time I spend with all people. As we are all well aware, things change. The person handing you that Big Mac while thinking about how much their feet hurt might not be there a moment from now. This circle of life - of humanity and all things living may ebb and flow; it may become larger, then smaller, brighten and dim, but it will never expire or break.